Are the wheels coming off at Arsenal? Stewie Griffin makes an appearance but he’s not the only one worried about Arsenal.
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Arsenal blame game
So whose fault is it this week?
Seamus
Heeeeeeere’s Stewie
Quote 1:
“Arteta spent £65m on Havertz, who is on a reported £200k a week. And £50m on Fake Brazilian Steve Bull, Jesus. You cannot rely on either of these players to provide anything in big games…. Worse is still to come, as I can definitely see Newcastle saving Howe’s bacon with a rousing home win at St James.”
(Arteta is never getting them over the line. New contract was pointless. Inept Chelsea still managed a top attacking signing in Palmer, Newcastle managed it with £60m Isak)
Stewie Griffin, last week
Quote 2:
“We’re clearly prioritising the league and the champions league and therefore we aren’t expecting ourselves to fly in the domestic cups.
The real measure of how well a manager is doing is fan satisfaction.”
Vish, AFC Fan from Nantes in the mailbox, also last week.
Those two quotes provide a striking contrast between Reality (the one where Arsenal have zero chance of ever winning the PL or CL); and Virtual Reality (the VR Headset world where Arteta and Arsenal are challenging for two trophies they’re perpetually ill-equipped to win, as a result of the manager’s complete refusal to address the glaring attacking deficiencies a pissed-up pony can spot. Namely: no creative outlet minus Odegaard and no attacking spark outside of Saka 🥱🙄).
It’s instructive that Vish the Arsenal fan thinks the “real measure” of how well a manager is doing is “fan satisfaction”. Strange because I’d have thought it was Trophies when you’re being paid a reported £15m a year as Arteta is? Or perhaps it’s a “Fan Satisfaction wage” 🤔😂.But I guess that’s inconvenient because the recently-sacked Ten Hag outperforms Arteta in that arena eh?
Arsenal fans are Always satisfied – remember how “happy” they told everyone they were finishing 4th every year, “qualifying for the CL”, self-sustaining blabla etc? They’re always satisfied!
Good to see the Havertz “Brexit Benefits” train has well and truly ground to a halt too. Another huge match where Agent Zero delivered zero goals, zero assists and zero big chances created. £65m and £280k a week for that.
Less said about the Fake Brazilian Marouane Chamakh, the better (my apologies about the Steve Bull mentions, went too far lol).
Another big away match where Arsenal are unable to score – exactly the same result and outcome as the season before. Same inability to score at Bournemouth. Same inability to muster a shot on target at home to Brighton post-red. Every big away fixture requires a set-piece or Arsenal to take the lead, or else there’s no chance of them coming from behind (requires 2 goals or more, beyond them).
Shame Liverpool have zero chance of beating Citeh to the title. Another walkover. Yawn. FAKE SPL! In fact that’s harsh on the SPL, since it’s clearly more competitive these days, as Aberdeen give both Celtic and Rangers a run for their money! SAD! Whoever reference the Kendrick quote in the mailbox was spot on: “Motherf*** the Big Three, it’s just Big (Citeh)”
Have a great summer all! See you for the Most Ridiculous Show on earth next August, where we’ll relive our 21st consecutive summer of Augmented Reality reasoning!
Stewie Griffin (25 year-old Havertz for £65m and £280k a week? Or 22 year-old Isak for £63m and £120k per week? Aren’t Edu and Arteta paid the big bucks to spot obvious stuff like this?! Oh right but “oil money”. 115 chargezzzzz. Merino looking every inch the Newcastle reject. Another pointless waste of money. But yes, injuries)
READ: Arsenal continue descent into Arsene Wenger-inspired adequacy under Mikel Arteta
Arsenal: Really not that bad
Good lord you’d imagine Arsenal just got steamrollered given the tone of Will’s article. Really putting the bull in hyperbole there.
Whoever got the first goal today was always likely to come out on top and an exceptional cross and conversion gave Newcastle the platform to set up shop and counter dangerously (and they’re one of the best in the league at it).
Teams have bad games. Arsenal are still missing their most creative passer in a game crying for someone to unlock an exceptionally well drilled defence. We saw the same game countless times last year and then Odegaard magic bailed us out. Is it a weakness that we’re so dependent on one player? Yes, but this isn’t now a 70pt team, we’re maybe an 85pt team and you cannot tell me right now City or Liverpool look much different.
And Odegaard could be back as soon as next week.
So yeh, It’s disappointing and we don’t love it, but it’s double standards when Arsenal fans are constantly told we’re living in our own reality and critics can write us off entirely after one demonstrably bad game.
Tom, Leyton
What now, Arsenal?
Anyone know what the xHuman Rights Violations per game is for Newcastle so far this season?
So what now? Sign Danny Welbeck? Perhaps Isak should’ve been signed (this was bound to fail)? Maybe we can coax Antonio Conte to join us by promising him that the entire home dressing room is expendable and he can smash anything he wants in there? Does Gyokeres know that London is objectively better than Manchester?
Vish (AFC), Nantes
Liverpool are flawed but…
Quite the new manager bounce taking place on Merseyside. While nothing’s won in November, is the cream rising early ? Perhaps disingenuous to inquire on a day City and Arsenal both drop points, but we too showed our flaws in 4K clarity yet managed the best result.
The flaws do loom large though. I’ve been all for Arne’s sense of calm and considered football since he’s come in, but starting the majority of games on the back foot (especially at Anfield) isn’t a reassuring look. He’s said himself the side will get punished and found out by this, so I’m sure the message isn’t just for the cameras. Pretty sure the big hairdryer came out at halftime (equally sure Arne doesn’t towel dry up top after a nice shampoo).
People speak often of footballers not doing enough out of possession, but Szoboszlai flips the trope; he is poor on the ball, and has been for several months now for both club and country. I hope he finds another level, because it unbalances the side to rely so much on a right fullback and a right winger to create the main share of our chances. Gakpo has swung it in from the left to equalise today, and Tsimikas’ delivery has improved on the year, but we are missing an Odegaard from the middle of the park to knit it all together.
Thankfully Arsenal are missing an Odegaard too, and City a Rodri. For us, we’ll definitely miss Konate, as we do Elliot (who would sit Szoboszlai straight down) and Alisson (who’d likewise sit Kelleher down, though in much gentler fashion). So a quarter of the fixtures now come and gone, this seems a season of flawed contenders all carrying injuries to key contributors, with others on the mend and set to return. Heady stuff. Expecting lots of lead changes in front and revolving trapdoors below, all the rest of the way.
Eric, Los Angeles CA (It’s been a minute. Let’s reintroduce Anfield to Xabi on Tuesday.)
READ: Nine-tackle Liverpool man joins Van Dijk in Premier League XI of the season so far
On VAR and Sean Dyche
If VAR has to take more than two or three minutes to come to a conclusion, then newsflash, it’s not “clear and obvious. “
Two men in a trailer should not be deciding a premier league football match and VAR continue to bring Premier League football into disrepute.
That said, we certainly did not deserve to win that football match. When Sean Dyche and his brand of “football “ show up to a ground where the team they’re playing hasn’t won a game all year and play like that, we deserve nothing.
The sooner the Friedkin Group take over and relieve him of his duties, maybe we can get a manager who’s willing to be on the front foot and infuse Everton football club with good tactics a good set up, good training, and a good substitution pattern.
Leaving Jarred Brathwaite all the bench for the start of this match was criminal. $70 million player but let’s start Michael Keane or James Tarkowski just because.
TX Bill (Foreign referees, please) EFC
Predictions not ageing well
I was intrigued to see how F365’s predictions for every Premier League club before the next international break stood the test of time.
They did feel a bit harsh on Liverpool, but it now transpires that other than the obvious sacking of ETH, they were generally pants all round.
Rob
Liking Ruben’s formation plans for Man Utd
So Ruben Amorim has been confirmed as the next messiah, and it looks like we’ll be partying like it’s 1993 with a Cruyff-esque 3-4-3. Please forgive me, and I know this will be a shock to most, but it’s hard not to be positive.
Erik has barely been trailed out of the disco by the bouncers, covered in sweat, kicking and screaming about a cheating hussy named Oliver, yet here’s me batting my eyes at the sexy Portugueser who is standing in the corner, stroking his luscious black beard and holding his pint of Super Bock so provocatively.
‘Sure I’ll dance with you Ruben’, but this is not my first rodeo and the scars on these feet aren’t from the ill-fitting heels I stole from my Mrs. I have been here many times before, and that deep thousand-yard-stare is merely one of a purposeful temptress trying to remember the moves to this particular tribal dance – ‘dee dee na na na indeed’ I think, whilst suspiciously giving him the eye as he continues to tease me with his inverted hourglass formation and talk of a high dress, I mean press.
It’s the first time Utd have appointed a manager who is younger than me. If that’s not a sign from the Universe (that I’m getting too old for this sh*t) then I’m not sure what is. I’m interested to see how he deploys Bruno, because you’d assume the key, nay the secret, is that the two in mf will be more defensive, and Utd have never really tried 3 at the back for any length of time. But at this stage I would do anything (for love, but I won’t do that?) and it seems he might have a clear vision – hopefully he will have the personnel to implement it, or ship out those who can’t.
1993 was the year Fergie first won us the league – probably too much to expect a title charge this early, perhaps we’ll wait until the second half of the season, but third behind the runaway train (City) and Arsenal, finishing ahead of Chelsea (4th), is not out of the question. Dreams can come true, right guys? Guys? GUYS?!
In conclusion, you know the drill – let’s do this shit!
Garey (it really was a great year for music) Vance, MUFC
READ: Mason Mount set to usurp Bruno Fernandes at Man Utd: The Ruben Amorim winners and losers
…The more I think about Amorim and his 343, the more it makes great sense to our squad.
For a start, we have a number of centre backs who are comfortable and arguably more comfortable as a three.
With our full backs, obviously Dalot is better going forwards than defending, so it suits him well, but on the left, we have the young lad Amass. The criticism of him was that he might not be physically ready for the first team, as a left back. But as a wing back / midfielder, his technique and pace will be allowed to shine.
Critically, that means Rashford gets a left footer overlapping him. And for Rashford, having him more central but still able to start wider, is perfect. I’ve always felt he’s wasted out wide, and its too easy to hide out there. He needs that pressure, and he’s done his best work when he’s been expected.
It also helps Højlund who needs support in the middle.
On the other flank, plenty of options.
The tricky bit is midfield. Unless one of the wingers is more of a wider midfielder (Mount is good there, Bruno can do it), it’s going to be Ugarte and one other, and you’d assume that would be Mainoo, who will have more licence to push on with his linking up and preference for a short clever pass, with probably one of the defenders pushing up to cover.
Either way, it seems to suit our squad – and critically, some of our gaps – pretty well.
I’m excited.
Badwolf
(Surprised Liverpool weren’t keen on 343 considering it would have suited Trent perfectly)
