John Nicholson has gone back through the decades to reflect on football’s style icons. No David Beckham, but Kalvin Phillips makes the cut…
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If you wanted to make an impact in an environment where wearing a brightly coloured tie attracts mockery from the rough boys, you’d wear a patterned yellowed jacket and a waist covered in mushrooms wouldn’t you? No matter that the jacket looks like the material they make romper suits out of. I bet Richard Keys does not approve and considers it not the sort of thing a Proper Football Man would wear.
Dominic Calvert-Lewin
Is that a skirt, Dom? Yeah, no problem. Why not wear a skirt? When your boss is Sean Dyche, he’s bound to think it’s great and not in any way a wussy thing, add to that a superb ‘fro, and looking like you are in Sly and the Family Stone in 1971 and all of that makes you very cool. But it seems to have ruined you as a striker.
Kalvin Phillips
There was a time when everyone loved Kalvin. He was superb until he was locked in a room for 18 months at Manchester City and got 1.5 kgs heavier. And now, he’s useless which is why David Moyes took him to West Ham to join his long list of players who are good but not under him. But when he was good at Leeds he sported superb footwear. The unusually shaped shoes looked like his feet were wrapped in pastry, which is probably how he put on the weight.
Are Kalvin Phillips shoes worse than Mario Balotelli’s hat? pic.twitter.com/JQ1gsU13sc
— Kelly Welles @kellywelles.bsky.social (@kelly_welles) April 4, 2022
Mario Ballotelli
Mario has royally entertained us with many of his fashion choices, none more so with the coxcomb hat which made him look like a giant Rooster, which was probably the idea. It was surprisingly sexy and made you want to fondle it. It has been retired recently and lies unloved in a drawer. More mad hats, please, Mario.
Tom Davies
Going out with a dressing gown on is a bold move. Looking like an eccentric Victorian professor who has invented time travel even more so. Doing so got him to Sheffield United, where he can develop his fashion skills under notorious metrosexual potato, Chis Wilder.
Frank Worthington
Notorious shagger which would have been called A Ladies Man in the 1970s. Like all disco dancing footballers, Frank was a style guru with an open neck shirt, medallion, and big white flares. It was an uber Brut33 look, or perhaps Old Spice. Could easily be revived by today’s, notoriously shameless shaggers called Kyle.
Dwight Yorke
If you want your pundit to turn up wearing a white or a Bacofoil suit or any fashion experiment, Dwight’s your man. He’s long been someone who puts everyone in the fashion shade and has provided more conservative presenters great mirth for departing from the tedious suit and tie. Fashion choices have probably stopped him being treated seriously as a manager. Yes, the business is that shallow.
Hector Bellerin
Hector’s house must be full of high fashion items. Whether he’s on the catwalk wearing fetching pink shorts or a tartan coat or some other high fashion. He just doesn’t care. Can be found on any day of the week dressed in something extreme and making the rest of us look like we just don’t care. Also plays football.
Alex Song
In his loan period at West Ham, David Moyes, if he’d been in charge, would’ve looked on in horror at Alex’s fashion sense. What’s wrong with a Pringle sweater and a pair of Farah slacks? Alex’s style is best described as anything all the time. His helmet with big spikes on that looks like something from Mad Max, is probably illegal and would be loved by anyone who fancies being a bit of a hooligan and knocking people over with their head.
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