Ruud van Nistelrooy has opened up old wounds between Arsenal and Manchester United with his frankly shocking one-word ‘true feelings’ on Martin Keown.
Thank you for reading this post, don't forget to subscribe!Why you gotta be so Ruud?
One of the unwritten rules of football reporting – especially that of a tabloid vintage – is that is if Sir Alex Ferguson or clashes between Arsenal and Manchester United in the early to mid-2000s can possibly be evoked however tenuously, it absolutely must happen.
It can create really quite ridiculous scenarios whereby the Leicester manager is made to talk about matches he played in 20 years ago as if it has any even vague relevance to the current day, but to Ruud van Nistelrooy’s credit he plays along when he, a 48-year-old adult man, is asked whether that sort of rivalry “stays with you”.
Why wouldn’t that be one of the first questions asked to Leicester’s manager in a pre-match press conference in 2025?
But again, Van Nistelrooy knows the game. He knows “the media want to create stories. And it has to be done like that because it’s part of the game.”
And part of the game is the Daily Mirror website pretending it is the biggest story in all of football on Friday morning, with this top of their homepage:
‘A RUUD AWAKENING! Van Nistelrooy reveals true feelings on Keown after infamous Man Utd-Arsenal clash as Leicester boss prepares to renew hostilities with Gunners’
Would you, dear reader, like to know Van Nistelrooy’s ‘true feelings’ on Martin Keown? After all these years of uncertainty and speculation? Of course you sodding would. It’s a miracle you’ve managed this long without it.
‘Van Nistelrooy said he had never crossed paths with Keown after football. Asked what he would say to the former England international, the Foxes’ chief responded: “Hello.”‘
In other words: watch your back and sleep with one eye open, Martin.
As for Van Nistelrooy preparing to ‘renew hostilities’ with Arsenal – despite not a single member of that October 2004 side still being with the 2025 vintage in any official capacity – here is what else an obviously irate and worked up former Manchester United striker had to say to that question about whether such a rivalry “stays with you”.
“Not really. No. You move on, don’t you?”
You might, Ruud. But it’s been more than two decades and the media absolutely refuses to and fair play to them for it.
Slot it home
That was mercifully replaced as the top story on the Daily Mirror website at around 10am, when this inevitably took precedent:
‘BARMY ARNE! Slot reveals reason for furious ref rant that saw him sent off after Merseyside derby – but admits Liverpool did NOT deserve to win’
When the first 12 words of the opening paragraph of this big ‘reveal’ read ‘Arne Slot refused to be drawn on why he was sent off’, you know you’re in for a good time.
Still, it’s better than the MailOnline and Sun website fairly inevitably going with Slot ‘breaking his silence’ despite his press conference on Friday being the first possible time he was able to speak about the situation and shatter his positively monastic vow of one full day.
Loud and clear
And why not complete the Daily Mirror website hat-trick at this stage?
‘Man Utd exile Antony sends another clear message to Ruben Amorim’ is the most red flag of headlines. Mediawatch knew full well what the situation was and what it would be greeted with upon clicking, but it is also best to be sure on the vanishingly unlikely chance this ‘clear message’ contained, well, a message of any sort of clarity.
Alas, this ‘clear message’ involved absolutely zero quotes, because the ‘clear message’ Antony sent was that he can score a goal in the Europa Conference League against Gent.
Are you listening, Ruben?
I think about it over and over AGAIN
On that subject, here is the MailOnline‘s take:
‘Man United outcast Antony leaves fans stunned as he scores AGAIN for Real Betis to continue red-hot start to his loan spell in Spain’
Mediawatch is aware the bar has been set painfully low and Antony has started very well but block capitals? Really? He has scored twice, once more than he did for Manchester United this season in exactly as many starts, and literally the lowest amount of goals he can score before being said to have scored AGAIN.
Hit the road, Jack
Sublime work from the MailOnline with unimprovable deployment of a tabloid staple:
‘Manchester City star Jack Grealish was spotted leaving an A-list hotspot with a mystery blonde woman on Wednesday evening.
‘Just one day after City’s 3-2 defeat by Real Madrid in the Champions League – which saw Grealish substituted off with an injury – the winger was spotted out in London.’
Ignore the ‘mystery blonde woman’ nonsense to marvel at that ‘just one day after’. That’s ‘just one day after’ he started and played a huge role in the opening goal against Real Madrid before being substituted with an injury when Manchester City were leading 1-0.
He should quite obviously have spent the week in a darkened room alone with his thoughts because Ederson isn’t very good anymore.
Oliver!
The Liverpool fan ‘wailing’ has continued following the Merseyside derby and anyone under the impression the Liverpool Echo would not lean into it is a fool.
But this headline does feel a little cheeky:
‘Premier League make huge Michael Oliver decision as Liverpool vs Wolves officials revealed’
One might possibly glean from that that the ‘huge Michael Oliver decision’ is that he will be involved in the Liverpool game against Wolves. But regular readers already know the all-powerful ‘as’ masks the reality that those two pieces of information are entirely separate.
No, the ‘huge Michael Oliver decision’ is that ‘Oliver, who was criticised following his decision to send off Myles Lewis-Skelly during Arsenal’s recent win over Wolves, has not been stood down for this weekend’s matches’.
Was…was there any suggestion he would have been? Outside of the notoriously sensible parts of the Liverpool fanbase who instinctively know where every referee in the country is from and who they support, we mean?
