Struggling with infertility, Ottawa couple told they can’t foster children, either

Celeste Decaire · CBC News

· Posted: Jul 22, 2024 4:00 AM EDT | Last Updated: 1 hour ago

An Ottawa couple is calling out the Children’s Aid Society (CAS) because they believe the agency unfairly rejected their application to become foster parents due to its concerns over their struggles with infertility. 

Alana and Alec Jenkin had hoped to welcome a foster child into their home with the help of CAS Ottawa (CASO) in September 2021.

The couple said before embarking on what turned into a nearly year-long application process, they were honest with their case worker about their difficulties conceiving a child of their own, and said they were seeking treatment. 

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They never suspected the information would be held against them, but 10 months after applying they learned they’d been rejected.

“By phone she told us that she was worried there was a sense of emotional instability because we were going through fertility treatments, and as a result were not a stable enough home,” said Alana Jenkin.  

The couple was doubly devastated. 

“It literally felt like the universe thinks we can’t have children, and now the government’s telling us we aren’t capable either. That is what it felt like,” Alana Jenkin said. “We know that’s not true.” 

‘Empty, confused and demoralized’

The couple was told to reapply in six months to a year, but after the emotionally draining ordeal, on top of their own infertility issues — which they’re still working on three years later — they were hesitant to try again.

“It just left us very empty, confused and demoralized at the end. Where do we go from here? The Children’s Aid Society doesn’t deem us fit to be guardians or foster care providers,” Alec Jenkin said.

If our problems were considered too big of barriers, who would be able or eligible?​​​​​​– Alana Jenkin

The couple had initially thought they’d have an excellent chance at being approved as foster parents because they checked all the boxes on CASO’s website: They’re married, working stable jobs with the federal government, and were open to fostering a child of any age, identity or culture. They were even willing to foster siblings, considered a high-need category at the time. 

At the mandatory information session they attended, three different foster families were brought in as examples. One couple had recently given birth and still had two newborns placed in her care, the Jenkins said.

It left them wondering how being pregnant or already having children was acceptable to CASO, but working on having a family was not. 

“If our problems were considered too big of barriers, who would be able or eligible?” Alana Jenkin asked. “I think the truth is, people with kids.”

Weighing the risks

In a statement, CASO said matching each child with the right family is a complex process, and potential foster parents must be able to adapt to the diverse needs of the children in the agency’s care.

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The Jenkins said they understand that kids in the child welfare system can have complex needs, and the agency must be careful about where they’re placed. At the same time, the couple fears that given their own experience, other potential foster parents who would make good caregivers are being overlooked. 

“They’re so afraid of putting someone in the wrong home that they don’t realize the risk of not accepting people that would potentially make decent families,” Alana Jenkin said. 

Alan Leschied, a psychologist and professor emeritus in the faculty of education at Western University in London, Ont., conducted Canada’s largest study of the state of foster care in the country. He said there’s a desperate need for foster parents, but that’s not the only consideration. 

“We still need to have a high criteria. Our desperation shouldn’t lead us into making bad decisions about qualified people to provide specialized care,” Leschied said.

As of June 26, CASO said it was looking to place 70 children with foster families, including 15 cases described as “urgent.” CASO said that number fluctuates almost daily, and the children vary in age and specific needs.

Despite the urgency, the agency said it’s obligated to ensure all potential foster parents meet its strict criteria for the safety and well-being of the children under its care.

An emotional journey

For the Jenkins, it’s been an emotional four years. They’ve undergone three rounds of both IUI and IVF, but their most recent treatment in early July was again unsuccessful. 

“There’s a lot of uncertainty around whether or not these treatments are going to be successful even in the best of cases,” said Alec Jenkin. “Every time you go through it there’s a 50 per cent probability in the best of times.”

“At some point you wonder, is it worth it? Just because of the time and commitment,” Alana Jenkin added. “There are other children out there that still need families.” 

The couple hasn’t ruled out trying again to become foster parents, but said they’ve been left with the impression that they won’t be considered as candidates until they either have kids of their own, or pause their fertility treatments.

“It put pressure on us. Being told you’re unstable because you have fertility as an issue makes it feel that all roads lead to conceiving naturally,” said Alana Jenkin. “It makes it difficult to accept the fact that you’re only capable of doing it if you stop treatments or if you are successful.” 

The Jenkins said they’re still hoping to start a family one day, however that happens, and said their ordeal has only made them stronger as a couple.